Ralph the Psychic Ostrich: Flirtation

By Leslie Brown and Laura Lee Bennett

Ralph the ostrich was born and lived on a ranch owned by Rancher Bob in the Willamette Valley in Oregon. The valley was a favorite place to raise ostriches and other grazing animals.

Ralph could run very fast, and as a teenager he was already a full 10 feet, the tallest rooster on the ranch. Every day, he practiced his running. He decided to create his very own obstacle course, just for the fun of it. It was the most fun he had ever had in his relatively short life. Ralph would grab all kinds of objects with his toes, like stones, an old tin can or pop bottle, and kick the objects into place. He stretched out his long muscular legs with his knobby knees, pointed his large thorny toes, and got a gallop going of over 40 miles an hour around the course. He quickly learned to open his flightless wings and use them as a rudder. “Zoooooom, wheeeee, ulaulaulaula,” Ralph sang out as he ran. The other ostriches watched him in surprise. They had never seen such a busy young rooster.

One day, Ralph was surprised to find that he could hear the thoughts of the other creatures around him—the ostriches, Rancher Bob, and the ranch hands. He felt a startling sensation like a big buzz going down his long neck into his brain, similar to one of those cell phone towers along the ranch property. He was receiving a signal from the other roosters and the hens, and he thought he could hear them. But who knew that ostriches could be psychic?

As he discovered his psychic abilities, Ralph’s young life was changed forever. With this realization, his brain, which was the size of an eyeball, grew to be larger than that of the other ostriches around him, who all had characteristically small brains.

What can I do with this new-fangled power, he wondered. I'll bet if I do it right, the hens' thoughts will just come to me, and I can get one of them to like me!

Ralph pointed his bare neck toward a group of hens. All of their thoughts flooded through his brain like a torrential river.

Around the time of his odd realization, Ralph noticed a teenage hen that kept strutting by him. She's cute, Ralph thought. That's the one I want, he decided, as he turned his powers on her.
The hen stopped suddenly, thinking that she heard him say something. It was strange, but she introduced herself anyway. "I'm Marge,” she purred flirtatiously.

"And I'm Ralph," he answered quickly and turned his long neck toward her. It was hot outside, so he lifted and fanned his black and white wings to show them off. Marge returned his stare, batting her large brown eyes with her thick black eyelashes. Ralph could tell from what she was thinking that she was really interested in him.

She continued, “Are you the one with the funny racing course?” Ralph blushed, and his pink neck got redder. Now that he could read her thoughts, he got the courage to tell her about it.
“I’ve just been practicing my zig-zag routine," he told her. "Yes, that's my obstacle course over there.”

Marge gobbled a juicy insect and bobbed her head. “So that was you running back and forth?"

"Yes," said Ralph, blushing again. "I can show you the ropes. You can run around the course and I'll time you--how's that?" He tried to maintain whatever psychic abilities he had to see if he could make his thoughts perceptible in her brain and divine an answer before she said anything to him.

Marge thought she heard a voice again coming from Ralph's direction. She was surprised by this unnatural communication. "Okay, yes, I will run the course. You time me. I'll bet I can run faster than you," she said bravely. With that, she started singing a favorite ostrich tune, "Ostrich in the Hay," feeling a bit nervous about this strange ostrich that seemed to know her thoughts.

As Ralph listened, he thought he would take a chance with her.

"I’ll show you where to start," he whispered, not knowing if he said it out loud or not.

Ralph trotted across the pasture to the old rusty gate, which was his favorite spot to start the course. He kept looking over his shoulder at Marge, sending her silent cooing vibes and trying to read her thoughts. He really wanted her to like him. After all, she was already a dominant hen and was quite pretty in a grayish brown sort of way.

Marge ran quickly behind him. She was ready to start the race and prove to this young rooster what she could do. Despite his funny ways, she already liked this odd bird.

(To be continued…)

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